Oral History

Oral History Project

Subject: Raul S.

Topic: Marriage

Has the value of marriage decreased or increased in the last 10 years?

Decreased.

Have you seen more successful or unsuccessful marriages?

Unsuccessful.

What is a good range of time between dating and marriage?

1½ to 2 years.

What do you believe are key components in a good marriage?

Honesty, respect, and trust. Willingness to talk things out using honesty, respect, and trust. That the idea or concept of marriage is more important than having any actual wedding or legal written document. When people think marriage, very often they think, weddings, pre-nups, commitment, finances, buying a home, and such. While these are all indeed side effects, or issues that can or do come up and have to be considered, it's not really what a marriage is all about.

Do you believe there is such a thing as a soul mate? Why?

It’s up to the people in the relationship. I believe in the concept. A soul mate is someone who is perfect for you. Vast people don’t find them. Many people are too quick to settle and make do in a relationship. A soul mate is like a diamond. So why would you pick a rock? I’d rather be single than go into an unhappy marriage.

Have you found your soul mate?

Yes.

Do you believe marriage is for everyone?

No. Marriage is for everyone who finds their soul mate or someone who they’re compatible with. A marriage is a serious commitment between two people who want nothing more in life but to be with the person whom they love, and that's really just it.

Everything else is secondary. Not everyone remembers this, because people have diminished it's significance by taking marriage for granted, failing to take it as seriously as they should, and hence a few years into their marriage, they have regrets.

It's like I've always said, these days, marriage has just become another phase of dating.

And that's unfortunate.

What is your opinion about same sex marriage?

Why not? They want the same legal rights and equality as an opposite sex marriage in the eyes of the law.

What do you think of inter-racial marriage?

Sure why not. I draw the line at inter-species marriage.

What is an appropriate age/range to marry?

At least twenty-one so they can drink on their wedding day. Maturity level is key. Maturity level and intelligence is main criteria for a marriage. Don’t marry someone 3 months after starting to date.

What is your opinion of a divorce?

It happens a lot. It’s a stage of a relationship. People don’t take marriage seriously. Divorce is being abused. Necessary unfortunate that happens when people don’t get their head on straight. People are afraid to break-up. We can work it out, but after a point it’s time to split. You can have two fantastic people, but that doesn’t mean they are compatible.

When you’re an old man, what advice are you going to give to your children?

Be honest. If there is no spark, be choosy.