Mr. and Mrs. Biabani

Mr. and Mrs. Biabani are my parents. They have been happily married for 26 years, with 4 children. 3 of which are in college and one in highschool. My father came to America because of better job opportunity. His father passed away when he was very young and he had 9 other siblings and a mother to support, educate, and get them married. My mother came to America because she married my father.

So I understand that when you were a little child India was ruled by a Muslim king, how was that like?
Mr. Biabani: Well...there were all kinds of expectations of the people when the king was passing through. Stuff like you were not allowed to be on the roads when the king is passing by. You were never allowed to look at the king, you always had to look down, and the guards would never face the king, they would always face the opposite way. The streets would be sweeped, cleaned and washed. All the pedestrians and people who were riding their bicycles and all types of vehicles were not allowed on the streets when the caravan is moving. The streets were always empty.
Mrs Biabani: You could not look at the king in his eyes, you had to look down and talk. The guards were like lower level people so they couldn't even face the king.
Mr. Biabani: It was like that even when the other rule came too.

Who was ruling when Pakistan separated?
Mr. Biabani: British
Mrs. Biabani: Yea not the Hindus, it was the British.
Mr. Biabani : Muslims were ruling India when the British came. The British came and fought with the Muslims and took over. they came as merchants and ended up taking over. I'm not talking about India though I'm talking about Hyderabad, where i was born and came from. Right after Pakistan was separated, Hyderabad was also raided and the military was deputed and the military took over Hyderabad.

So after that there was the Hindu ruler?
Mr. Biabani: Yea. Well...that is not actually called Hindu rule, it was called independence and democracy but majority was Hindu so the Hindu was really ruling.

Ahan, and how long did you stay in there while Hindus were ruling?
Mr. Biabani: Until then, when i migrated. I left India in 1969,
Mrs. Biabani: About 19 years.

And then after you left India you went to Saudi Arabia, where obviously there were Arab rulers. but the Arab ruling was obviously different than Indian ruling right? How was that difference?
Mr. Biabani: Well Indian tradition is different than Arab tradition. Indian traditions were more Mughal and Iranian cultures.
Mrs. Biabani: It was the difference of cultures, not religions.
Mr. Biabani: Basically monarchy is monarchy, when there is a monarch there is a monarch, whether its in India or in Saudi.

So you stayed in Saudi for about two years?
Mr. Biabani: almost, yea.

And then you came to America, and that was American government, and so how was that change from mainly Muslim or Hindu rule?
Mr. Biabani: Actually when i was in Saudi i didn't feel the monarchy presence there. The king lived in Riyadh and i mainly stayed in Jeddah, Makkah and Madina so i never saw the king's presence where we had to observe all sorts of traditions. In India we had to be very respectful, and careful, and traditional. You could not go in front of the kings palace it was heavily guarded. and all sorts of things were in Hyderabad... in Saudi Arabia where ever the king was it was fine, we were living in our home...
Mrs. Biabani: It was pretty much like he lived in his palace and we lived in our own house.

I see, but like when you came to America, did you really feel the difference?
Mr. Biabani: same thing, actually this is a different country, different traditions, different culture, different standard of life, the seasons are different, the dressing is different. In Saudi we wore long robes...
Mrs. Biabani: Daddy never had pant shirt in his life until he left India and went to Saudi. when he was traveling to Saudi he then went to a tailor and got a pant shirt outfit.
Mr. Biabani: I never even wore it until i reached Saudi.
Mrs. Biabani: and when he came here that's all he had to wear.
Mr. Biabani: and when i wore it it felt like i don't know what I'm wearing. it felt so awkward.


So Ammi, when you were younger than my age, you never even had like the slightest idea that you would ever marry someone from America and come here right?
Mrs. Biabani: I wished too ( laughs out loud)
Mr. Biabani: You mean I desperately wanted too (Laughs)
Mrs. Biabani: I really wanted to come to America, when i was in high school i used to study economics, history, and commerce, and geography, and in all these subject America was mentions alot, so it was like a dream place.

So when you found out you were going to marry someone in America what was going on in your head?
Mr. Biabani: She was jumping with joy. (laughs)
Mrs. Biabani: No, i used to only think, that far, alone....first of all i didn't get a chance to pay attention to the fact that I'm going to America, everything happened so fast.

So when you actually realized that you married someone from America and that you were soon going to be coming here too, leaving your whole life behind, how did you feel?
Mrs. Biabani: at that time i never knew i wasn't going to be going back for 20 years. i thought i would be going back every year or every other year.

So how did you feel coming from a foreign country? Daddy kinda went through a couple changes before he came, so he was able to adjust easily.
Mr. Biabani: There was an obvious change in culture, language, and way of life. it was obvious. we are coming from east to west, there is a big difference from east to west, its two different kinds of life styles. we noticed the change, and the change was obvious, but it took some time to adjust to it.
Mrs. Biabani: for example when we lived in India there was no phone system, so no one would ever call before they came, they would just stop by as they were passing by. so anyone could come at anytime. here you have to make sure you call before you go to someones house because you don't want to go there and waste gas and be inconvenient for the person whose house you are going to. so you have to make sure they are available. and there ladies stayed at home.
Mr. Biabani: every week we had to detail clean our house, and washrooms. and vacuum.
Mrs. Biabani: here whenever you want to make any plans you have to wait for the weekend, for example if you want to have a get together, or go somewhere you have to wait for the weekend and make plans. over there there was no concept of weekday or weekend. people would even come over in the middle of the week, and no one had a problem with that, everyone would sit around and laugh and just chill. who ever wanted to stay longer would stay longer and who ever wanted to go would leave. they would probably just tell the kids who go to school to go to bed because then they'd have a problem to wake up for school. there the women stayed home so no one had a problem, you could go anytime to any one's house. here women work too, so if i couldn't even call anyone even if i wanted to, all the women we knew here used to work. people are not available, you can't just talk to anyone and for as long as you want because no one has the time. there when you get out of the house all you had to do was walk until the end of the block and yell for a rickshaw (a man pulling a cart where people sit and travel) and just go wherever you want to, and then came autos. here you couldn't leave without a man with you.
Mr. Biabani: there in India everyone can walk in the middle of the night, it used to be very safe. and here when we came here we were told not to go anywhere at night, and to certain areas.
Mrs. Biabani: here there is no such thing as auto, rickshaw so you can't leave without your husband coming and taking you. there we used to come home at like 2:30-3 am WITH rickshaws ! sometimes if we used to go to the later showing of a movie we would get out at around 12 am so we used to take some guys with us so that there aren't a bunch of girls coming home alone so late at night. It used to be like that like 25 years ago...now i hear its getting more dangerous.
also there everyone had the fear of being caught by someone, so kids would think twice about doing something wrong. if a kid was to go to the corner store and smoke, and someone was to see them there they would go up to them and yell at them or tell their parents and make sure that they don't do anything like that again. everyone cared about each other, so if anyone was caught doing something wrong the whole neighborhood would know about it. even if a neighbor saw you doing something they would make sure you don't do it again. its not like that here, whatever you do you have to do it in front of your parents. its the culture difference here, its like the difference between the ground and the sky.